how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
