She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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