Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
