I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
