please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
