A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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