im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
