Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
