by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
