Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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