I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sarcasm needs its own font
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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