I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
