so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
