and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
