I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
