my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
