Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
