i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
