apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
