other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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