THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
