im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
