he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize