Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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