Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
