i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
