I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
