you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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