My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
