dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
