Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
