I feel great
I just peed on a car
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
