I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
