I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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