haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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