So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
