just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so much tequila, so little girl.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
