Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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