is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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