I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
