YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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