I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pants are for mortals
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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