So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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