I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
