so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize