You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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