dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
