I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
