you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They have beer where we have blood.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
