it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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