I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
