New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
