I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
