They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
