I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
