once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
