My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize