wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize