if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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