Christians are straight up FREAKS
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
