I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
