my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
