i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
