My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
