so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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