Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish my penis had an off switch
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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