Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
