paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
why is half of my head shaved?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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